Comments on: slave woman/mistress

By: the burden of remembering… « Raven’s Eye

the burden of remembering… « Raven’s Eye — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 21:11:13 +0000

[...] happens to people we know.To [...]

By: flip flopping joy » Blog Archive » the burden of remembering…

flip flopping joy » Blog Archive » the burden of remembering… — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 18:58:27 +0000

[...] happens to people we know.To [...]

By: Shelby

Shelby — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 16:08:00 +0000

So true that the “good” kind of Black is different for different places. I got to study in Spain a couple summers ago and it felt soooo strange to have privilege as an *American* Black. There’s a rising number of Latin American immigrants there and whenever I spoke Spanish, people assumed I was “one of them.” It was actually easier (and a bit safer) for me to speak English and signal to folks that I’m from the states.

By: OB

OB — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 18:23:21 +0000

So true about “that black” so many categories, the hispanic black, european black, american black and so on… and everybody has an opinion on which one is better. I find myself trying to get away from the hispanic stereotype, part of it is just not finding too much in common, but it is also the weight of the expectations; the good ones and the bad ones, that is sooo heavy to carry.
There’s an essay in Spanish “Pulseando con el dificil” by Ana Lydia Vega a Puerto Rican writer, about her struggles between English and Spanish and how learning French helped her move beyond the internal conflict. I am actually shopping around for a third language something kinder if such thing exists…
It’s hard for me to feel entitled to speak about healing from racial trauma because I still have prejudices. I still fear and I still judge myself and others. And just writing that gets my perception of safety to zero.
I also feel selfish and childish paying attention to racism like I should be worrying about derivatives or autism you know what’s considered “real problems”.

What a mess!!! trying to assert yourself and escape yourself at the same time.

By: Weekend Link Love « The Feminist Texican

Weekend Link Love « The Feminist Texican — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 17:31:31 +0000

[...] Flip Flopping Joy: slave woman/mistress [...]

By: mai'a

mai'a — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 04:20:22 +0000

oh god. yes. i feel myself as a black woman doing this. trying to hold onto the fact that i am *that* kind of black–the slave black. and trying to step away from being *that* kind of black. i speak spanish and french and live abroad. and my daughter is biracial. and i get asked three or four times in a row if that is my daughter…
and i use languages as a way to slip through their stereotypes.
for so long i kept trying to think positively about race and not get upset at racism, and not see racism, and telling myself that i was ‘creating’ racism by focusing on it. and if i just close my eyes to it. it all will go away. or prove itself not to exist.
instead i was just enabling the situation. the racism got worse. and words become actions. and people get hurt.
and positive thinking doesnt heal racial trauma or childhood trauma. that is what i learned. we need to consciously develop authentic ways for women of color to heal from racial trauma.
we need to develop these ways for many reasons. but one reason is that trauma isolates us from one another. and community is often a necessary component of healing.

By: Shelby

Shelby — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:17:49 +0000

OB, just want u to know that your comment struck a cord w/ me. Especially what you said about speaking english. It’s exactly why I write in my journal in spanish. One of my favorite things to do is to drink and speak spanish–because I get to be as far away from myself as possible. When people assume I’m latina, it’s so so so hard to correct them. Nope, I’m just Black. Yes, *that* kind of Black. The english speaking one descended from slaves. Sometimes I’ll throw in that I’m multiracial. Because it’s true. But also because it’s a step away from *that* kind of Black. The kind of Black that is me.

By: flip flopping joy » Blog Archive » When you get punished for defending yourself, you don’t even want to fight any more

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:40:08 +0000

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By: OB

OB — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:03:23 +0000

I honestly think that soon being negative is going to be illegal. We live in the era of positive thinking and positive energy. “Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world.” Wayne Dyer.
I am a new-age guru enabler. I love Wayne. I watch the PBS specials and own one of his books, I feel warm and mushy inside after listening too him. And I’ve struggle with depression almost all my life and I’ve being looking desperately through new age wisdom and as far away from organized religion, looking for well, wisdom, illumination, enlightenment, peace. A way off meds.
But I still haven’t found what I am looking for, neither with the gurus or the books. Because though God sent me out in this world with a full supply of the 5 Element, from where all the positive things derive, but I piss it all out at birth. So now I am condemned to be obsessed about prejudice, racism, bigotry, injustice, ignorance and see the worst in everything and everybody. I’ll never be happy. That explains why I am the one who sees racism in my own family. Negative me managed to find them all. Because I am thinking negative thoughts and negative thoughts attract negative experiences. And that is why at 5 years old my white abuelas where already complaining about my “bad hair” and why o’ why I had so much, and one of them suggested I put a clothes pin on my nose to make it “finer”. And that is why “Someone” in my family suggested I marry white so I improved the race, I think he meant the black part of my racial makeup but I could be wrong (assholeness-blue coloured lenses maybe). And these are the “cute/lite” examples. I can write the 50,000 word November novel just with phrases uttered within my past and present inner circle about blackness and “black-like” features. Because people feel very comfortable talking in front of me about it, after all I am a mutt, somewhat black but not quite. And although it is wrong and feels uneasy I don’t put most of them in their place. When I do I get the “is it your negative inferiority complex over-reacting”. They are just stating the plain social, economical, aesthetic facts. My frequencies are fucked up.

And maybe, maybe all this is why in my mid thirties I find myself, Surprise Surprise, married to a “white” Puerto Rican man, the mother of a “white” girl. To whom people ask, Is that your mother? After she just called me mommy in front of them. Utterly alone with these feelings. As confused and hurt as 5 year old me. And it is easier to write about it in bad English rather than in Spanish, which is my native tongue, because somehow Spanish makes it all too real and the memories hit home with so much greater force and also because English just takes away the pressure of saying it perfectly, it feels more objective, distant.

I came to this website from an autism/LD kind-of blog thinking it’ll be the same – we are a family of 3 dealing with at least 10 LD between us, and I found so much more. The ADD/ADHD the funny disability and the slave woman/mistress posts shook me to the core.

I guess I am trying to say thanks.

By: Katie

Katie — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 03:26:08 +0000

…this is the first time in generations that anybody in my blood line has had the privilege and the time to really sit and decide..*this* is what a family is–it’s staying in one damn spot and not moving from it. blowing warmth on the roots, even if you are rooted to hell…it’s a privilege. it’s a human right that is forcibly and violently taken away…just like with new orleans, and how even people in the black community were criticizing new orleans folks, saying–you know, get out into the world, explore a little bit! stop tying yourself to one place and thinking it’s the world! (and oh, LORD, i’ll never be able to remember the dude’s name who said it, but he’s old school hip/hop guy and he gave a speech at my university at the time, and i couldn’t *believe* what he was saying….)–because we’re all trained to see our “movement’ as normal and right–we don’t stop and realize that black folk living in the same spot for generations–how radical that is. how native people are fighting tooth and nail for that right. and losing. because only white folks who can use that land ‘the right way’ are entitled to it. so we look at black folk who have their own land and house that they’ve lived in for generations as backwards and scared to face the world…

I’m trying to think of a context, BFP, for presenting this quote to my partner, who is out listening to New Orleans-style music right now w/ some other fans (one of whom traveled/s there a good bit to participate in music-making). I don’t know what it’ll be yet, but I would like to share this. Timely, for me. And a “wow” point. Thank you.

(By the way, “wow” points all through this thread by many people. Sorry for not quoting them all.)