I paused before I commented, reflected and still thougth I’d put this out there because personally, I am working hard at rewiring the words in my brain that tie my tongue and imagination to relations of power that don’t serve me. Everytime I tell myself I did something because of what someone else did, I miss the opportunity to recognize how (well/poorly/etc.) I serve myself. While I continue to struggle with this concept, it’s worth it to me because I keep learning about how to serve me better and better. *giggly and maniacal laughter*

For me, I do (and sometimes the best I can do is to STRIVE TO DO!) whatever the f*ck I want because I am so moved to do/be – this is my unapologetic act of self-love, because no one else will do for me as I will do for me. Anyways, in this case, I might have said, “I a WOC disassociated myself from a white woman I was attracted to…” because I – ODDitie415, I – want to build with someone whom I feel more cohesion with about race and the politics of whiteness OR because I – ODDitie415, I – choose not to put my energy into playing out this dynamic in my life. Because in my colonized-decolonizing-in-process imagination, this gives me room to affirm what I – ODDitie415, I – do for myself (without resorting to the dominating strategy of labeling/naming others to delegitimize “them” and affirm “mine/ours”).

i personally spit on “love is the answer” these days–radical or otherwise. fuck that shit. and frankly, as somebody who is in a biracial relationship–even if there isn’t overt racism–it still takes a considerable amount of fucking time and energy to negotiate–that anybody would say “love will conquer all”–well that person has never been in a biracial relationship. love doesn’t save that relationship, YEARS of fighting and negotiating and hurt and pain does. you basically have to decide–what price am I willing to pay to be in a relationship like this. not, how much do i love this person. because love has scant shit to do with it when you’re up until five in the morning fighting for months at a time. and if you aren’t willing to pay that price to be in a relationhship with somebody–the why in the holy fuck would or should you? encouraging self abuse in the name of love much?

call me cynical, but seriously–good for YOU.

Yes recently a person was ‘trying to understand’ when I a WOC disassociated myself from a white woman I was attracted to because of the white woman’s racism. How this person was trying to understand was to tell me that I do not have to ‘write this person off’ (a weird reading), to keep on questioning why I think an action was racist (I eventually told her I don’t feel like explaining Racism 101 right now – GO ME!), to tell me that she thinks that love is the answer, to try and be my guide about how I felt, and that winds into this long discussion about compassion, self-righteousness and forgiveness.

Apolitical indeed.