I think this passage is relevant to more than just the acupuncture world.
One of the problems with acupuncture schools is that they often create the impression in students that what will make them good acupuncturists is being shining specimens of perfect health themselves. They will then presumably be in a position to offer guidance to all of the less-than-healthy patients who will be irresistibly drawn to their perfect example. They will provide help, healing, and long lectures to the poor benighted American masses, with their food allergies, their poor posture, and their weakness for caffeine and carbohydrates. The idea of perfection as applied to human beings tends to be problematic in general, and in the case of acupuncturists, the unhappy outcome is what one of my coworkers describes as “Malibu Barbie, L.Ac.”: a practitioner who is fake, plastic, rigid, shiny, and impossible for normal human beings to emulate.
Malibu Barbie doesn’t know anything about suffering, and somehow, I don’t think she gives a fuck.
The Malibu Barbie, L.Ac. theory of attracting patients is that patients are drawn to your (perfect) image. In my experience, that isn’t true. Most patients are not seeking perfection in their own lives or in yours. They are seeking relief from suffering. Here is my personal experience: I have always been a patient magnet, and I have never put any energy into my image. This is my theory about why: I know about pain, and I have space for people in pain. People can feel this.
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July 6th, 2009 at 2:27 pm #
YES! this applies to pretty much everything in life. but yes, when it comes to health stuff, and i would say also particularly in regards to spirituality… i am not looking for someone else to be perfect and make me think i have to be perfect. i have enough perfectionist tendencies within myself that cause me to become frustrated. what i need in a teacher, in a mentor, in a caregiver, is someone who says “yeah, i know how easy it is to slip and eat the triple chocolate ice cream; yes, i skip yoga some days too; yep, i have that negative voice in my head too and some days it’s impossible to drown it out” etc. *someone real* that i can relate to but that still pushes me to be better. someone that can direct me to what is best, what i need, but not by shaming me… but by showing me that it *is* possible to do better and to keep pushing. not towards perfection, no, but to be better.
July 6th, 2009 at 4:57 pm #
right, aaminah–exactly. that’s what the appeal of buddhism is to me, is that the people i admire as teachers and followers are VERy much about giving practical advise on the reality: you WILL get angry, you WILL yell and scream, you WILL totally buy into ego etc. now–if we take these as givens–what strategies can we come up with to deal with them? the basic complexity of humanity is not denied in an effort to be more godly–
but that’s in the best of worlds–i think esp. in places like Ann arbor–people get very self-righteous–*I* don’t have a problem meditating every single day and it always makes ME feel SOoooooooooo good. what’s wrong with you?
When, in all reality, the buddhism that I follow kinda *requires* you to walk down the path of pain and confront what is most painful to you in order to be a “warrior”–how can you help others confront pain and get on “the path” if you yourself have been sitting in lala land?
July 6th, 2009 at 5:14 pm #
EXACTLY! what you are describing in your Buddhism… this is so much like what my shaykh (sufism) teaches also. your ego is gonna take over, you are gonna let it get the best of you, you are gonna get angry, you are gonna be lazy, you are gonna rebel… that’s what the ego does! okay, it happened, now what? and he isn’t sitting there like “you stupid, worthless piece of ish that hasn’t grown past this yet”… he says “yep, i’ve been there, i remember” and “okay, try this the next time you feel x, get y urge, wanna do z”, and it’s the example he has set because he does it too and you see how “healthy” he is and you want that, but you also see the compassion he has for you because he understands where you are and where you’ve been.
and to be honest, the more i ponder this post, the more it reminds me of a certain conversation elsewhere that some people got all into that “i have NEVER been tempted, you did it because you WANTED to, don’t make excuses, you’re not REAL/AUTHENTIC/TRUE/PURE, why do you even write in this space when you obviously aren’t truly COMMITTED”… and yeah, that was part of what really bothered me about that convo… the privilege involved, but also the hypocrisy, and even more, the complete lack of compassion or being able to even try to imagine being in that position.
July 6th, 2009 at 5:43 pm #
I saw that thread you are referencing aaminah (or at least I think i did), and I felt the same way. Of course–i am a person that is not “real” in the sense that those people were asking people to be–so I may have conflicting interests–but i *totally* felt the same way. And that it felt SO wrong to me because it was women talking to women there–and don’t we all have a long enough history of “don’t make excuses?”
July 6th, 2009 at 8:21 pm #
The passage you quoted is true for all alternative health practices, I think. I can definitely see it in my own profession; herbal/homeopathic practitioners often seek perfection, or at least try to project perfection.
In my experience, the ‘perfect’ practitioners aren’t the ones sought out to talk about the real heavy personal issues. People don’t feel comfortable showing their flaws to perfection.
July 7th, 2009 at 1:52 am #
Malibu Barbie’s medical advice would prob’ly be, “Just don’t, like, get sick! [giggle, hair toss]”
As you both say, far better than a healer with perfect appearances is someone who can maintain balance, poise, and compassion in the face of pain, illness, and all of life’s inevitable vicissitudes.
On the other hand, isn’t there a role for perfection somewhere? Personally I’ve found it a helpful concept, as long as I’m careful not to apply it to “me,” which gets me in trouble. But if we can disidentify from the ego and its drama, as you say Aaminah (btw, your comment makes me want to go read up on Sufism!), then can we also honor perfection without making it into another identity? Without making it all about us? *I* am not perfect, and never will be, but I can, at times, be a vehicle for perfection.
Or, as Hafiz puts it (man, more Sufism, I really gotta get up on this ish
):
July 7th, 2009 at 1:53 am #
ps: sorry for the comment formatting mistakes lately — i am still getting used to these french keyboards…
July 7th, 2009 at 2:41 am #
worse that it was women of color! and i’m not even in that… i don’t even pretend to be. but i am one step below that, trying to be, failing frequently. and i tell myself what a failure i am, why do i need anyone else to tell me so? like i said, what bothered me the most was the complete lack of compassion. as i said elsewhere (not on that thread directly because it just isn’t a blog i would feel it’s my place to jump into anyway since i’m not part of that community), to be talking about commitment to compassion in one area but completely lacking it for fellow humans… that never fails to stun me. the thing is, i totally know people like that in real life, absolutely. but i’m disappointed to see it so starkly in women of color. that they can’t just say “yes, i felt the same way but this is what i did to combat it… this is how i got thru it… this is what worked for me” instead of “No, no one really feels that way, you’re just a big phony”. and i think, that is one issue, one area where we see that… but yeah, i see it with so many other areas of our health, spirituality, “lifestyle” stuff. POC have bought into that “perfection expected” crap too. and none of us are perfect so we all feel like losers. wouldn’t it be better if we could just say “yes, sometimes i fail but i get back up” and if teachers, mentors, role models and other practicioners could react with/show us compassion, empathy, and honesty that they’ve been there too.
July 7th, 2009 at 5:13 am #
daisy–I agree totally about it being a part of any health care providers practice–you see that with doctors doing the **roll eyes** if you would JUST lose *weight*–then you would feel better–as opposed to people not feeling better because of any fucked up shit that doctor is doing….I think that the “I am Jesus malibu barbie” phenomenon is esp thick in the alternative health care system tho–because of that whole “eastern medicine/philosophy” that often comes with the medicine–there’s a type of exoticization or something–like–i know about the tao, thus I must be jesus!!!!! Hooray for tao Jesus!
aaminah and Kloncke–I think that is a *really* good point about the idea of perfection–that’s another reason why I feel compelled to buddhism–uncovering the potential glory and perfection within? but not a christian sense of perfection (or, not the christian sense of perfection that I grew up with and found to be *incredibly* painfully violent against my self/body)–a sense that you ARE buddha–you ARE jesus–not because you are perfect–but because you are a part of a glorious system of living, you are a part of that flute (how BEAUTIFUL that quote is!!!)–not because humans are “chosen”–but because we ALL are “chosen”–I just don’t have the words to explain it.
It’s been liberatory to me to realize that I am not scum of the earth, that I am not the first sinner of the world, etc etc etc.
aaminah–i was hoping that convo was not coming from women of color. some of the things said, I just sat there with my mouth open. I am not saying women of color can’t be mean and judgemental–just that…wow.
July 7th, 2009 at 6:50 am #
Kloncke–you can do it!!! (French keyboards.) And once you can, you will feel so fluent one day (for example, when you watch a fellow foreign-keyboard-raised person use a French keyboard for only their 10th time). I remember trying to get used to French keyboards…I’m cheering for you!
July 7th, 2009 at 7:09 am #
“i was hoping that convo was not coming from women of color. some of the things said, I just sat there with my mouth open. I am not saying women of color can’t be mean and judgemental–just that…wow.”
you know, now that i think of it, i don’t *know* that all the harsh responders were woc… maybe the harshest were white women coming in… which is f’d up because it is a space for woc to talk about this issue. not that white woman *can’t* join in per se, i mean i don’t run the blog so i don’t know how all that is handled. i think that white women could have things to contribute, but, that space clearly states that it is for WOC, and the About page clearly states that the blog talks about the intersections in WOC lives and that it is meant to be a safe place for WOC to talk about these things that they can’t talk about elsewhere (i.e. white-centered groups of the same subject).
so, if it was white women coming into a woc-centered space and spewing that ish, that is wrong! but, yeah, the fact that i assume some or most were woc and spewing the same garbage that the blog was created to be able to get away from… it was a super turn off to me.
Thanks, Kloncke… i would caution however that there are two very different types of sufism. one is the (mainly white, frankly) “ooh ecstasy, ooh eastern systems, ooh powers” bs that is most prevelent the U.S. but the true sufism is rooted in Islam, rooted in first being Muslim and adhering to the Shariah and then this path is the one of working extra against our inner demons etc. It is hard work. It is not about dancing and singing and gathering powers, though those things may happen. And it requires a teacher, a guide, that is a living example of the example set by our Prophet Muhammad. So it’s really easy to be misled by a lot of what is out there, and also important to know that to really learn/understand/practice sufism, you cannot get it from reading some books but you get it from working with someone real and from practicing and it isn’t fun but it has deeper rewards.
July 7th, 2009 at 10:16 am #
the thing about that aforementioned thread is that some of the folks with the more dogmatic comments are not only woc but are writers for the blog. and that is what i find disturbing.
i mean everyone is welcome to have their own opinions.
i mean i used to be like that too. all purist, and holier than thou, and all that got me was – me, crouching in a corner, barely able to breathe. and its when i began to realize that self-care and caring about others are intertwined, and i cant have one without the other that i started doing *real* activism and organizing.
and its like that acupuncturist said. its when i said: oh yeah i struggle. oh yeah pain is real. oppression is real. survival is real. now what are we going to do about it?
ive been thinking about this alot. about how things *look* vs. how things *are*. and how so many of us are much more concerned with the image.
that image fundamentally is the oppression. that image is the racism, is the sexism, is the transphobia, the able-ism, the classism. the species-ism
what i mean is: we have this image of say. bad working class mothers of color that they are lazy. and lack will power or discipline. unhealthy. and uneducated.
and then we have an image of good alternative health care worker: who is pure, and clean, and super-energetic, and serene, and perfect.
and when the the health worker says yeah. im not perfect. im not pure. i get headaches sometimes. we tell her that is because she is lazy. and lacks discipline.
because we woc are afraid to be the *bad* one. we reject our own. we dont want to admit: that could be me.
im reaching for audre lordes sister outsider as i type.
because we are more concerned with how things look. than how things are.
July 7th, 2009 at 11:48 am #
yes, yes, yes, mai’a.
and i wrote (elsewhere to you) that i hadn’t even been to that blog before and that didn’t endear it to me. but i tried to look at other posts… i really like the About page, what the purpose of the blog is etc. but then i was looking at these other posts by other women, woc, and yeah… dogma. i mean there is one that actually says something like “i’m only willing to discuss this with serious ____”… like ok, just say flat out that everyone else is wishy washy, impure, whatever and that you refuse to discuss it with anyone who might have a different pov than yours? well, then make it a private invite only post! so then i thought “dang, what went on in those other comments… maybe it’s just emblemmatic of what this blog is, or has become” because i still don’t think it is what the woman who started it had in mind. but yeah, what if i *was* interested in that lifestyle & was all excited to find fellow women OF COLOR to talk to about it, who the blog says understand intersections… and i had questions, concerns, pragmatic issues? well, i would be very very put off by that attitude that i can’t have those questions, concerns and pragmatic issues. that i’m supposed to “just do it”.
and that is gonna be true in so much of our lives. like, i try to get into yoga, i try very hard. there are a couple of women i have talked to about it… the two i can think of off the top of my head are both POC and Muslim… so they understood when i said “i don’t want to be in a class and be the only WOC surrounded by these skinny wealthy white women” and “i can’t afford the freakin’ classes here because they’re designed to serve skinny wealthy white women” (not that there is anything inherently wrong with a woman being skinny, wealthy or white… i’m just saying, we may not relate to each other). Plus, you know, geez, how do you maintain our level of modesty? how do you find a class where the women are constantly asking you what “that thing on your head” is or why you “look frumpy” or whatever? and how do you find a good teacher if you prefer a woman, and you’ve been traumatized and need someone who doesn’t grab your hips and adjust you without asking you first, and you don’t want someone who tells you that until you lose 100 pounds it will be impossible for you to do the pose correctly. and don’t even get me started on the cultural appropriation and mixing of different spiritual traditions with no thought to the true meaning of those traditions. and and and. so you know, i want to find women that i can talk to about these things who don’t just say “oh gawd, just take a women’s only class and dress normal” because they don’t understand that i don’t believe in uncovering in front of unknown women either. or “it’s your teacher’s JOB to adjust you so don’t be so whiny & controlling about it!”. And when i miss a week of doing anything at home? Do i want to ask a group of women how they stay motivated when they’re dealing with xyz, or will i just be told “suck it up! you know it’s good for you so you’re just being lazy and that’s why you’re fat and in pain, it’s your own damn fault”.
YES, it is all about appearances. and heaven forbid that we admit that we are ever weak, that our needs are different from the pack, that we struggle. i don’t want to pretend to be perfect, and i don’t trust someone who is that concerned with appearances that they pretend they are perfect in front of me.
July 7th, 2009 at 2:47 pm #
I had said along time ago that the replies from commenters and others view made me hesitant to talk bout my own personal experiences with food/poverty/growing up/abuse. The intention of the whole thing is not what it is right now. There are houlier than thou activists in all circles you know and for along time I didn’t want t give myself that label (of the blog we are talking about) because of the rep that comes w/ it.
July 7th, 2009 at 3:03 pm #
Hooray for tao Jesus!
Now I’m gonna be thinking this on the job, lol.
July 7th, 2009 at 3:24 pm #
yup totally, noemi. i know i won’t call myself feminist for the same sorta reason you’re talking about with not calling yourself the name in question. just–jesus, really people? self control is really the answer to world liberation? if we’d all just show a little self-control, freedom would be upon us?
i don’t want to denigrate that particular strand of activism, because I believe in it–but as I’ve said often, i don’t practice that, and i have lots of conflicting emotions about it. but that thread would’ve bothered me regardless if it were about that or feminism or any other strand of activism.
July 8th, 2009 at 2:39 pm #
I’m a dick but self control my bum ass! I totally don’t believe that cops wouldn’t slap kids around if only I stopped borrowing enough manga to kill a horse and drinking Icees!