“I believe that by changing ourselves we change the world, that traveling El Mundo Zurdo path is the path of a two-way movement- a going deep into the self and an expanding out into the world, a simultaneous recreation of the self and a reconstruction of society. And yet, I am confused as to how to accomplish this. I can’t discount the fact that thousands go to bed hungry every night. The thousands that do numbing shitwork eight hours a day each day of their lives. The thousands that get beaten and killed every day. The millions of women who have been burned at the stake, the millions who have been raped. Where is the justice to this?”

Jesus was Christ because he has a *choice.* And even as he was being tortured to death, he chose to have nothing but love and compassion for the people stoning him. They are ignorant, he said, They know not what they do. Let them not be punished, these poor, suffering, people

I think this is such a profound example–so important and so necessary to think about–and if I had even SLIGHTLY remembered it, something I could’ve asked the hard line christians in my life to think about when they were all advocating for “death to Iraq!’ etc.

I think in our world–a response to violence that does not center “revenge” or “hate” or “without attachment”–is near impossible. I’ve written before about people whose loved ones are murdered who advocate against the death penalty, and how they are LITERALLY “untranslateable” to u.s. society and culture. how we all look at people like that, and have NO clue how to understand them or interpret them.

I think people who are imagining ways to hold people accountable with compassion–they are doing some of the most ground breaking work out there….and it reminds me of how Holly said at feministe: anger should be *strategic*–and audre lorde said anger that isn’t strategic can eat a community alive.

again, harder said than done–but you have to consider–what’s the most important thing here–YOU (abuse survivor, racism survivor, etc) or THEM (white supremacy, male supremacy, etc)…and isn’t it an act of radicalness to say *I* am the most important thing? And I am going to take care of myself and use my rage against you strategically?

but….so hard. So hard.

ANd even harder when you think of how you have to struggle through sexist, homophobic, etc “teachings” before you can get to the good stuff–the stuff that empowers and uncovers the strength….

which is all to say–how can a religion, a program, a spirituality, etc–formed and created to talk white men through their issues NOT be shifted to address the needs of people who are NOT white men (oh, and rich too, cuz esp in the case of AA–who could afford that shit at the time it was created *except* rich folks?).

if it’s NOT shifted to acknowledge the needs of others–what can it be but another practice in violence against those it is being imposed upon? Especially when things like AA are required by law by so many different law enforcement/judges?

and that’s interesting connection you noticed–i don’t know if it’s what I would’ve thought of right off the bat in regards to “rebelling and being proud”–as I rarely think of violence as a first option!!!! but it is interesting to think about–how *would* you be submissive in that case? Is there a place for submission in the face of violence? What would submission look like?…because I think ultimately, submission should make you stronger–

I’m returning to the background now; I hope it’s okay that I’ve included you on my blogroll. Your posts make me laugh, cry and confront my privilege. I love it.

He feels safe enough from police in Pawhuska who seem to be just as violent, but more socially controlled by the residents of the area they police when it comes to open violence against people than police in some other places.

I thought of this and thought, “I wonder if this is an example of the rebelling and being proud BFP wrote of as a possible prerequisite to submission of a good kind? And if so, I wonder what makes him comfortable rebelling and being proud like this.”

like, one of the central tenets of AA is acceptance, & people would say things like, “i just have to believe/accept that everything is exactly as it’s supposed to be in this moment, and that it’s all part of god’s/my higher power’s plan…”

and my first reaction to this has always been, what the fuck, everything is NOT okay. everything was not “just as it needed to be” when i was abused/assaulted, everything is not okay while there is so much violence and abuse and oppression. & being asked to accept that this is exactly how things are supposed to be in this moment… well, it’s a lot to ask.

but on the other hand, i believe it. i *get* it now, intuitively, in my body, in a way that i’m not very good at explaining. and the two sides aren’t actually at odds with each.

it also makes me think… i have taken a big step away from AA and the spiritual practice i used to have. not out of rejection– i’m still sober, and i really believe AA saved my life and taught me so much of what’s enabled me to be the person i am today– but… a kind of ambivalence, and a frustration with the lack of nuance. and i wonder how much of that has been about my being in a place where i needed to struggle. where acceptance was not the unequivocal answer. and … i mean, i also really believe that you can have those struggles within that framework, but i didn’t find a lot of other folks asking the same questions i was or willing to move away from the absolutes that don’t seem so absolute to me anymore. and it totally centers around questions of submission and acceptance, turning over/letting go, following directions…

thanks for writing this, bfp. i think it’s something i need to start thinking about again.