the boundaries that my body says it needs. my mind has one set of boundaries that are socially ingrained in me: men can do whatever they want to me, white supremacy is entitled to me when it pleases, etc.
but my body has a whole different set of boundaries. boundaries created by me and for me, boundaries that were put up as my DNA formed. And those boundaries tell me, fuck this shit, chew the dude’s hand off if u need to, punch white supremacy in the face.
my brain is so uncomfortable with the boundaries my body has set up. Whenever I feel like throwing up because a man is near me, my brain keeps whispering me to get over it, come on, they aren’t that bad, etc etc etc.
my brain is trying to convince my body that it’s wrong to feel tension around men, that it’s wrong to want them to stay away from me. that it’s wrong to not trust their presence.
come on bfp, come on, your being uptight and over anxious!
what keeps me sane is when i remember that it was those words, “come on, ur being uptight and anxious!” that convinced me into a position that left me crying in the arms of my best friend and talking to the police.
i know who it is time to listen to.
and if that means over compensating at the moment to prove to my body that I take it seriously and will never again try to talk it into something it doesn’t want, so be it.
- Share
June 6th, 2009 at 4:43 pm #
(((((BFP)))))
June 6th, 2009 at 5:33 pm #
That’s how I think of it too. My body’s always tried to protect me, it’s always trying to communicate, it’s always trying to tell me what I need and what it needs, and there’s all kinds of times and ways I haven’t listened to it, and oh it’s brought me so much pain and it’s brought my body so much pain.
(((bfp)))
June 7th, 2009 at 5:42 am #
love bfp, love, love from me to u
June 7th, 2009 at 6:48 am #
love this post
June 7th, 2009 at 4:10 pm #
There was a book I read once, called the gift of fear. The premise was that one’s instincts know what’s going on.For example, I may get a ‘bad feeling’ about someone from a gestalt of their body movements, vocal tone, etc, and that is also an important signal.
June 7th, 2009 at 7:23 pm #
I have recently been in contact with gestalt therapists who raised awareness about listening to the body. What they said seemed to go beyond biological conceptions of flight or fight. It was more about listening to how the body feels which gives great insight to how WE feel about interactions with other people, about certain situations etc. You know how sometimes people separate how they conceptualise their being-in-the-world and how they experience the world from their bodies and movement? Missing both the sensory and the intuitive which is grounded in our bodies really. So no Cartesian mind/body split here.
Anyway something as simple as listening to your body became open to me quite recently, and it is pretty fantastic to take that on, especially for someone who did operate according to a mind/body split. Yet it is also scary
June 8th, 2009 at 8:39 am #
This post speaks to me. Thank you for sharing it.
June 9th, 2009 at 5:32 am #
thank you.
June 11th, 2009 at 7:11 am #
Trusting ourselves is a huge obstacle to our own peace of mind. I try so hard, with the kids I nanny for, to get this across: Trust your gut. Whoever and wherever it is – and *especially with people you know*. And come to me, and always, always tell. I WILL BELIEVE YOU.
June 14th, 2009 at 8:59 am #
Accepting limitations is something I am still working hard at. I always pay a cost when I push and yet somehow mentally I cannot accept that doing less is indeed acceptable and necessary. I think that part of it is realizing that even those that are able bodied have limitations on what they can do.