About Bear’s comments. I don’t feel like reposting them, they are here in this thread if you wish to see them.
1. The idea that self care is “narcissistic” and impeding “Teh Cause” is a common one in progressive/radical communities. Which is why so many people, especially women, and *especially* women of color don’t *do* self care. It’s selfish, self centered, whiny, pseudo liberal, corny, etc etc. Trust me, I know ALL the names we call each other, because I’ve called other people those exact names.
Except–when I was broken down WHUPPED because I was giving every single solitary second I could to Teh Cause–Teh Cause was no better off than what is it right now. It was no closer to being solved. So I’m not really sure anymore why we would suggest that anybody completely sacrifice herself to fixing something that won’t be solved in her lifetime.
And as a Latina, THAT seems to be where the narcissistic action comes into play–this idea that what one person does in her lifetime will be enough to end world oppression. Am I Jesus and I forgot? None of us as singular entities will ever be that ONE thing big enough to finally end it all–so why bother sacrificing our health and well being to pretend otherwise?
2. I realized that I don’t mind being crazy. I don’t mind being told to go to therapy, stop whining, etc.
Am I crazy? Are you? Are any of us? All I know is that I can laugh at the idea of massive twat bfp (said with a hard A not a long one), stomping all over the universe with her slicer chin hair. And if that is crazy humor, so be it.
There is a woman that I love with all my heart and crazy soul for building the space where I can say something like that and believe it–my apple cider girl in Michigan. I love you. xoxo
3.
I was the East Coast distributor of ‘involved’. I ate it, drank it, and breathed it. Then they killed Martin, Bobby, and they elected Tricky Dick twice, and people like you must think I’m miserable because I’m not involved anymore. Well, I’ve got news for you. I spent all my misery years ago. I have no more pain for anything. I gave at the office.
Who said it????
DON’T ASK TEH GOOGLES!!!!!!!!
First one to get it right, gets a song posted in her/his honor!!!!!
4. At the crux of the exchange with Bear, I think, sits the eternal dilemma for me–white woman versus woman of color. This has put a lot more to grapple with on my plate–something that is a good thing, as I am always looking for a way to undo the knot in my brain that is this dilemma. The one thing, for now, that I want to notice in public is that isn’t it weird how once comment moderation is off, the truth comes out? Bear had posted here before, and had always been polite and introspective. I liked her comments. But once comment moderation came off–the truth came barreling out. A person doesn’t go from polite and introspective to calling people twats and trollops and certifiable for no reason. Bear said she was drunk and then sobered up–I say, her undermoderated comments were speaking truth for the first time.
Will it be self centered of me to ponder this issue and wonder why this has happened more than once?
Probably, but hell. I’m a 4 on the ennegram scale. I like hissy fits and drama queens.
So there.
- Share
February 23rd, 2009 at 7:55 am #
I’ve been waiting for this post. After I read Bear’s comments, I was so appalled and felt like I was watching a drunk wave an empty gun in one hand. (That image came even before she admitted she was “drunk.”)
It didn’t hurt me, endanger me…it was just altogether disturbing on so many levels.
The kinds of things that came out were so disturbing, given the context of the issues that were being presented. It was beyond “oh, how you can say that?” or calling her a slew of names that wouldn’t matter to Bear anyway.
What I’m trying to say is that I feel strangely ok with the situation being what it is – this whole WOC vs. RWOC, White Fem vs. RWOC vs. WOC fem…or whatever is being presented.
It may be self-preservation, it may be experience, it may be unhealthy, or it may be signs that I’ve moved past this shit, but how I see this, right now, today, is that the communication between people offline are already so effed up to begin with and I’ve come to reject that ONLINE feminism is worthwhile. I’ve come to understand that online organizing is possible with clear boundaries and relationships and passion, but this whole discussion of feminism across lines of difference is bullshit. It’s not the right place to be moved. It’s not the place for consciousness raising when so many other things are raised up higher than our consciousness – egos, voice, and opinion.
I keep hammering away at objectives, objectives, objectives…but that’s where I’m at with this mess.
I fucking can’t believe the things that were written on this blog by Bear and, for that, it just furthered my decision to walk away.
My newest theory is that rwoc, when speaking their truths, when taking care of themselves, when giving their perspective, are not told their wrong. That would be putting it mildly.
Now we’re told we’re crazy.
See, if we’re wrong, you can debate and have to engage to prove the person wrong.
When you write them off as “crazy,” well, you don’t have to engage them whatsoever because it’s not worth your sane and even-tempered time.
RWOC are crazy…give us all the labels and meds you can! We’re just nutjobs with blogs!
“Crazy” is the new “wrong.”
And for that, Bear, and for anyone who throws mental illness like a shame card, a descriptor, in hostility, or arrogance…all I can say is a very polite fuck you.
February 23rd, 2009 at 9:15 am #
wow. I went offline and missed where those comments went. good grief.
really, “drunk” is the best excuse? What does it say if what Bear does when bear’s drunk is wander over the someone else’s space and insult them? it says Bear’s an asshole. it says Bear acts like it’s other people’s job (or, as it looks like here, WOC’s job) to clean up Bear’s drunken spew. feh.
Sorry.. I won’t dwell on it further. Just that I love what you BFP continue to share here, and I’m glad to see you taking time to take care of yourself. It models healthy behavior for other people reading, and it makes it likely that you will be around longer to do all the amazing things you do.
But that doesn’t get at the fact that it makes me genuinely happy to read about you taking care of yourself because you also show how things/people in the world try to tear you down (or when you don’t show it, they come to your blog and do it… argh. stopping now…)
February 23rd, 2009 at 10:00 am #
as you know i too am a four on the enneagram…
but isnt it funny that bear wrote like the craziest comments i have read in a while and then called you crazy?
like it is helpful when trying to paint someone else as crazy that you at least appear sane…
oh well…4s of the world unite!
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:18 am #
“And as a Latina, THAT seems to be where the narcissistic action comes into play–this idea that what one person does in her lifetime will be enough to end world oppression. Am I Jesus and I forgot? None of us as singular entities will ever be that ONE thing big enough to finally end it all–so why bother sacrificing our health and well being to pretend otherwise?”
You are so brave an beautiful and amazing for saying that. Admitting you’re not omnipotnt, not able to put on your cape and save the world (even with your magic chin hair lol!) is BRAVE and it’s even braver because folks like Bear will call narcissistic for you. Pretneding to be omnipotent is actually cowardly, because it’s hiding from to truth.
When I “grow up” I want to be one millionth as awesome as you.
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:19 am #
“will call narcissistic for you” should say “will call you narcissistic for it.”
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:39 am #
I’m ashamed to say I had to Google it.
You know, I should have that movie. I should have seen it hundreds of times. It’s allegedly my kind of movie.
But I don’t.
Not sure why.
A lot of us burned out back then and having those nerves spark again is…not fun. But yeah. Only the very young can go any length of time without self-care, and they do, and that’s why they burn out. And of course women who put themselves first in any way are practically terrorists. (Such power! [Irony smily here])
I’m not going to pile on Bear. Bear must be dreadfully embarrassed verging on defensive right now. Bear’s id, though, needs a long talk with ego and superego and a reminder that rolling in the stinky should be done privately, lest one be vexed.
Also, hope the recentering helped.
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:57 am #
What is it about trollish people and women’s body parts anyway? And the narcissism thing when trolling is the ultimate act of narcissism in my opinion? Reminds me of my very own “Breast Man” who pops up on local sites to wail.
I loved that film! James Earl Jones nailed that line!
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:05 pm #
And as a Latina, THAT seems to be where the narcissistic action comes into play–this idea that what one person does in her lifetime will be enough to end world oppression. Am I Jesus and I forgot? None of us as singular entities will ever be that ONE thing big enough to finally end it all–so why bother sacrificing our health and well being to pretend otherwise?
This is more or less why my (Latina) mom quit politics (back in PR, not in the states). A friend of hers wrote a poem about her once that ended with the line, “I am Moses, but I quit.” Unknown to this friend, she’d used the Moses metaphor in her own poems multiple times.
I was going to add that in her experience and to a certain extent in mine, neglecting self care will wind up impeding your ability to care for others – but then I decided (I think it may have been somewhere around the eight hundredth cry of “we need to invest in elementary education to COMPETE IN THE GLOBALIZED ECONOMY”), fuck it, I’m damn sick of defending things I believe in using other people’s metrics. Self-care is important because you are important, no further justification needed.
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:56 pm #
Wow…that “bear” was all kinds of special, weren’t they?
I’m glad you were able to give them the response they deserved and laughed at them.
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:47 pm #
“I’m damn sick of defending things I believe in using other people’s metrics.”
You and me both Isabel. It’s not good enough that something is the right thing to do, or that it’s worth it for helping someone else. Nope, the question is always, “What’s in it for me?” and like you, I’ve tried to give them reasons. It’s never good enough if they aren’t getting all or nearly all the benefits and advantages for themselves.
February 23rd, 2009 at 9:42 pm #
When you first mentioned someone calling you twat, trollop, and so forth in your comments, I never dreamed you’d actually let them out of moderation. It wasn’t until I saw them here on the post in question myself that I realized–and then I was horrified by this person, but also loving watching Bear get served.
And now I find out it’s someone who has commented here before and been respectful, so long as the moderation was on?
I keep reading things from some white women along the lines of, “Okay, that white woman there says awful things to women of color, but I don’t, and I want to be judged for MY behavior, and no one else’s. Otherwise, it’s unfair.” And I’ll read that little objection 500 times for every once I read a white woman objecting to the Bears out there. It’s all out of proportion.
Anyway, in the rock-paper-scissors game that comment moderation is, I know this: Chin hair cuts Bear, every time.
February 24th, 2009 at 6:19 am #
Well I was going to guess Kathy Bates in Primary Colors, but I think I’m very wrong on that count.
February 24th, 2009 at 12:14 pm #
Besides, what kind of world are we going to build if the builders are miserable and stressed?
And what kind of world will it be if mental health and self care issues STILL aren’t given the attention they deserve?
February 24th, 2009 at 12:28 pm #
thank god for crazy bitches like us
February 25th, 2009 at 4:06 pm #
Great post. And seriously, you should be talking about the white wymmis chin hairs! HOW DARE YOU TO TALK ABOUT YOUR OWN HAIR AND YOURSELF IN YOUR OWN BLOG, YOU MOVEMENT DESTROYER! /sarcasm