VIDEO: Dolly Levi Informs The World How to Maintain A Job And Catch A Husband All At The Same Time While Benevolently Saying Hello To The Friendly Black Coachman.
Needless to say, my inability to perform all the stuff that makes Dolly so lovable and wanted and *womanly*–is exactly what would make most people question my use as a human being. My song would be something along the lines of “Sweet Jesus, don’t leave anything to me!!!!!!!!!”
Lyrics below the fold:
Music: Jerry Herman
Lyrics: Jerry Herman
Book: Michael Stewart
Film: 1969
Dolly:
I have always been a woman who arranges things,
for the pleasure–and the profit–it derives.
I have always been a woman who arranges things,
like furniture and daffodils and lives.
If you want your sister courted, brother wed, or cheese imported:
Just leave everything to me.
If you want your roof inspected, eyebrows tweezed, or bills collected:
Just leave everything to me.
If you want your daughter dated, or some marriage consummated,
for a rather modest fee.
If you want a husband spotted, boyfriend traced, or chicken potted:
I’ll arrange for making all arrangements
Just leave everything to me.
If you want your ego bolstered, muscles toned, or chair upholstered:
Just leave everything to me.
Charming social introductions, expert mandolin instructions:
Just leave everything to me.
If you want your culture rounded, French improved, or torso pounded:
With a ten year guarantee.
If you want a birth recorded, collies bred, or kittens ported:
I’ll proceed to plan the whole procedure
Just leave everything to me.
(Mr. Sullivan: Where to, Dolly?
Dolly: Yonkers, New York, to handle a highly personal matter for
Mr. Horace Vandergelder, the well-known, unmarried, half-a-millionaire.
Mr. Sullivan: Gonna marry him yourself, Dolly?
Dolly: Why, Mr. Sullivan, whatever put such a preposterous idea into my head–your head!)
If you want a law abolished, jury swayed, or toenails polished:
Just leave everything to me.
If you want your liver tested, glasses made, cash invested:
Just leave everything to me.
If you want your children coddled, corsets pulled, or furs remodeled,
or some nice, fresh fricassee.
If you want your bustle shifted, wedding planned, or bosom lifted–
Don’t be ashamed girls,
Life is full of secrets, and I keep ‘em!
I’ll discretely use my own discretion
I’ll arrange for making all arrangements
I’ll proceed to plan the whole procedure
Just leave everything to me!
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December 18th, 2008 at 1:45 pm #
Between the video caption and your revised song theme (AMEN), I can’t even breathe.
My mom loves this musical, prefers Babs’ portrayal to Carol Channing’s, and I hate to admit it but some of her affection for it rubbed off on me. That Seven Brides for Seven Brothers nonsense, though?–That’s where I draw the line.
December 18th, 2008 at 8:51 pm #
I’m not Dolly either. But my mother is, actually my mother is Dolly but she yells a lot more. She can handle anything and I can’t even handle my finances. I have a big time inferioty complex because I’m not good at any of those things.
December 20th, 2008 at 4:10 am #
damn wrote a whole comment but forgot to add my name so lost it. i wrote something about admiring your constant new starts and being sick of my blog and going through i will dump it at any moment phase. its good to keep changing track even if some aspects of the path look the same. i thought flip flopping was some american expression for changing tv channels – what a plonker (english expression for daft person) now i now its a blog
good stuff