Here’s my little secret to the world.
I suck at organizing.
Yes, I spend years in blogland writing over and over again about organizing, organizing, grassroots organizing PLEASE–but when all is said and done–I suck at it.
Why?
Well, for a long time I thought it was my inability to communicate effectively. Anybody who has been a part of organizing knows that phone calls/email/listserves are an essential part of the mode of communication these days. As such, when an important email doesn’t get read (or responded to) it can have the literal effect of stopping a meeting/march/get together from happening, hurt feelings because nobody showed up to the meeting, disappointment because you gave your word and then didn’t show up, etc.
I’ve made no bones about the fact that I suck at email. I suck at listserves. I suck at phone calls. I suck at just about all modes of communication outside of my blog, and even that I don’t do so well, because half the time I forget to comment on people’s comments. Or I forget to leave comments on other people’s blogs who have faithfully left long thoughtful well thought out comments on my blog.
This goes into my real life as well, I’ve forgotten to return phone calls more often than remembered to return them, I’ve *lost* the damn phone *MORE THAN ONCE* so that I couldn’t return phone calls–I’ve forgotten appointments, get togethers, birthday parties, and job interviews. I’ve lost more planners than I can count and have calendar/notices set up on three different emails–and I don’t use any of them.
A friend emailed to say she was going to call me on Monday at 12. I told her I was writing down that information in three different places, including my huge calendar that I look at every time I leave/enter my computer room. I said, jokingly, I’m gonna do this, but you watch, I’ll forget all about this until that phone rings. Then I’ll be like Dory in Finding Nemo and it will all come flooding back to me.
Didn’t happen *quite* that way. I forgot all about the call until she actually *spoke* to me–she said, hello? Bfp? Is that you? It’s me, M*! The Dory moment happened when she said “It’s me, M*!”
I suck at communication.
But at the same time, I know why. Having ADD makes simple things like clicking return and writing an email out the moment I get it incredibly difficult. Simple things like remembering to send a birthday card? Near impossible. Logistical centered organizing that is dependent on remembering/scheduling times/dates? Fucking impossible.
So, I know what is going on, why it is so hard for me, how it plays out, etc. And I even know how women who are not good at this shit are often looked at as being less than women or in a particularly harsh way–women are supposed to be nurturers and caretakers–but nurturing and caretaking involves huge amounts of logistical work that people with ADD often find impossible (for real, please let me tell you how many times I’ve forgotten kids doctors appointments or play dates!).
But I didn’t realize until today–while I was out on a walk with my W*–exactly how ADD forms my ability to “commit” to people. More specifically, how I literally wear the burden of disappointment people have in me and my ADD ways on my body, like a cloak.
I’m not going to go too much into the specifics here. Because well, it’s none of ya’lls business right? A girl has a right to some damn privacy. And I figure explaining how terribly I fucked up communication/organizing is enough of a sobbing Oprah confessional for now.
But suffice it to say–I’ve seen the look of disappointment in too many eyes of people I love. The look of, “how could you do this–AGAIN?”
This=hurting the feelings of a person I love.
I recognized today–I’ve gotten to the point where the one thing in my life I am terrified of (outside of the death/harm of my loved ones) is that look–that look that tells me–bfp, you’ve fucked things all up again.
And because I’m so scared of that shit, I’ve spent half my life running away from people I love, including people that I organize with. A habit that’s not good, considering the fact that grassroots organizing is so dependent on well, community building.
If you haven’t participated in organizing–you should know. There isn’t anybody in the *world* who is harder on themselves than organizers. They commit to far too many projects, they get angry and even semi-abusive towards themselves for missing a project due date or not being able to fully help, they organize and work on projects well beyond their ability to physically, mentally, and emotionally do so…OR, they go the other way. They take off at the first sign of conflict. They resign the first time they screw up, even though the screw up wasn’t that big, or even noticeable.
They do what I do. Hide in their dark caves, as far away as they can get from tension, expectations, disappointment, anger…
This is a problem that has long been noted by most committed organizers. And Incite! Women of Color Against Violence was one of the first organizations I ever worked with that made a conscious effort to confront the problem. For example, one of the more liberating things Incite! did was insist that the “four year” time frame (as in, follow the four year election cycle) that many organizers insist on following be left at the door. What this does is allow for the space where (multiple) breakdowns, fights, lack of communications, and other time consuming problems can be addressed in meaningful, truthful and liberatory ways. Rather than shoving aside the conflict, it can be addressed together, as a community, because what do we have except time? Many times, time is the *only* thing radical women of color organizers have.
But even as there is a commitment by Radical Women of Color to confront the way organizing can suck the life out of you…there comes a point when the only person that can actually *do* the work of healing, nurturing, and liberating is the woman herself.
Which is why I am at the point I am at right now. With the huge question sitting in front of my face, staring at me like a rabid cobra. Why, after all these damn years, does the fear that I’ve disappointed rub me so wrong? More specifically, the fear that I’ve let somebody down because of my ADD?
I have learned to accept and embrace the fact that I am a ‘non-traditional’ woman. I have learned to accept and embrace the fact that I find farting jokes funny, that I have an alarming sexual appetite, that I am queer, and I find religion to be the bane of my existence, even as I ache for a spiritual community.
I’ve learned to accept and love my magnificently huge Mexican ass, I love my five foot long mami boobs, and I even learned to listen to a recording of myself speaking and not die of embarrassment.
So what in the hell is going on with this disappointment thing? Why is it I can handle people being disappointed in me for being queer, not a Christian, fat, raunchy, etc–but the minute people turn to me with that disappointment in my inability to nurture and love through logistical coordination–well, it’s hasta la vista baby! Time for me to pack my shit up and leave.
And why, oh why, if I SUCK at logistical organizational type stuff, do I put myself through the hell of organizing to begin with? What am I trying to prove? What am I looking for?
I don’t know.
But the wonderful thing is that uncovering this aspect about myself-it’s a part of liberation. It’s a part of loving, taking care of, and nurturing MYSELF.
Now, if only the thought of loving, taking care of, and nurturing myself didn’t scare me shitless.
- Share
December 16th, 2008 at 4:41 pm #
Ay hermana, I know exactly what you feel. I also suffer from ADD and am contemplating meds. I want to do the stuff I need to do. I don’t mind doing it, but for some reason I can never get around to it. I try. Really hard.
I get the disappointing look too. It hurts most from your family.
I feel you. I seriously do.
December 16th, 2008 at 4:53 pm #
During my presentation for CyborgCamp, a colleague mentioned his difficulty with ADD but was able to get through some neurological process, though I have no idea about the details of it.
I’m sure you could attempt to train your mind to overcome it (at least enough to keep track of phone calls), but I don’t have any clue how that works. I know it would help me out as well, but I think in my case I get depressed and demotivated too easily, and because my demotivation is a learned behavior from an early age, it’s hard to counteract.
It can be done! I just have no idea how to do it. Huurrrr
December 16th, 2008 at 5:23 pm #
Thanks. I needed this. I’m a little squirrelly just now. Upset with my inability to focus and get things done, jealous of people who do. Painfully aware of the fact that I have disappointed people. I appreciate the solidarity.
December 16th, 2008 at 7:27 pm #
girl, thank you so much for sharing this. when i saw your one-line post on tumblr, i was like “OH GOD I HOPE SHE POSTS SOMETHING”. i’ve been thinking/writing *a lot* on disengaging/stepping back/running too.
so i know a lot of our blogging is for ourselves so i don’t mean to be like [insert opinion here] but for me, i worry so much about letting our community down because this is the family i have chosen to be born into and their opinion of me means more than anyone else’s. fuck teachers, colleagues, the world, but these people are the ones i want to be like and be with. i mean you posting a poem of mine like a year and a half ago was enough to make me want to blog (and i’m sure you have no idea what i’m talking about)!!
i think at least for me some of this is internalized shit too (ableism, etc) in that i feel soooo indebted to folks (like this summer BA and Little Light carried my big ass powerchair & Adele opened her house to me and my PA and bought ramps and everything.) for weeks i laid in bed thinking how i could repay them and *one* way was investing in community. i don’t want to mess up. capitalism and colonization teach us this, that we have to prove ourselves or we are worthless. as women, this is being good at communication, fixing problems, connecting folks, etc. like you said.
and i’ve just spilled all my personal shit all over your comment section. i need to go write on my own blog
so thankful for you
so humbled by you
love you
love you
love you
December 16th, 2008 at 7:33 pm #
ps. i feel like every community that is a community should be able to accommodate everyone (maybe that’s disability activist me). i know we oversimplify disability sometimes and don’t talk about hard shit like this (it’s difficult to talk about hard shit when everything you hear is already negative/curbie) but i really believe you are an amazing organizer/community person and the rest of the world need to find a form of communication that does work for you. anything else on our end would be a loss.
December 16th, 2008 at 7:46 pm #
omg. this is an amazing post. i’m so glad u wrote this:
“If you haven’t participated in organizing–you should know. There isn’t anybody in the *world* who is harder on themselves than organizers. They commit to far too many projects, they get angry and even semi-abusive towards themselves for missing a project due date or not being able to fully help, they organize and work on projects well beyond their ability to physically, mentally, and emotionally do so…OR, they go the other way. They take off at the first sign of conflict. They resign the first time they screw up, even though the screw up wasn’t that big, or even noticeable.”
because this is so me. i fight ADD all day everyday and i can be really fucking hard on myself about it and any other limitations on my ability to be miss perfect organizer.
December 16th, 2008 at 8:34 pm #
Sent here by Twitter… Can I just say, THANK YOU. It’s so frustrating in hindsight to realize how awful I am with being able to keep in contact with the contacts necessary to do what I want to do. The ADD has been a funny, flippant crutch in casual conversation, but a huge, debilitating reality when it comes to getting shit done. I tried the meds which helped the ADD but led to a whole litany of unnecessary side effects, and I figured out a way to just hold things down as they are. Add another thing to the plate, though, and it all goes down.
“if I SUCK at logistical organizational type stuff, do I put myself through the hell of organizing to begin with? What am I trying to prove? What am I looking for?”
See, though, for me (and I don’t know if this will apply to you) I’m full of good intentions and ideas but can never quite bring them to fruition thanks to the ADD. It’s way more base than organizing politically and just plain organization. It’s beyond me.
December 16th, 2008 at 9:12 pm #
Are you reading my mind?
December 16th, 2008 at 9:17 pm #
So I’ve never been diagnosed with ADD (well, they thought I might have had it when I was 8 and put me on Ritalin but decided it wasn’t the case after I lost the pills/reported I wasn’t doing any better, which I took as gospel for years but–I was EIGHT, how aware could I really have been of what was better with something as abstract as “focusing”), but doing some research one night (at four in the morning, while I should have been writing a paper I couldn’t, yep, focus on) I started to wonder if maybe I did have it, and the more I read about it the more I’m convinced I do, especially when it comes to reading other people who have it talk about how it feels. I thoguht I remembered you and a couple other bloggers I read (Ilyka maybe?) mentioning having it in ways that made me smile in sympathetic recognition. This post definitely does that.
At any rate, whether I am diagnosably ADD or not, this feeling sounds so familiar I almost want to start crying because, yes, it is a really, really awful feeling. And unlike other ways in which I might disappoint someone, I don’t have something to fall back on–if someone gives me shit for cursing an unladylike amount, I think, fuck that antifeminist claptrap, and move on with my day. But if someone is like, “Isabel, why didn’t you do this important thing for me that you said you’d do?” …I don’t really have a response. Put another way, I don’t think of, say, cursing all the time to be a form of failure, in that it’s not something I’m interested in changing, whereas, fuck yeah I would like to stop being a giant mess when it comes to being on top of things.
And, in my experience at least, I think the disappointment feels more intense because it’s so incomprehensible to people. The people who know me know I’m not stupid (heh, I hope!); they don’t understand that when they say “Remembering things is not that hard,” it’s like if I said to my friends who weren’t good at math, “Calculus is not that hard.” They assume it’s because I’m not trying when really I’m trying so fucking hard there have been days when I cried over something as dumb as missing a bus or forgetting to call someone because I was just SO TIRED of being reminded of ways in which I was a failure at life. Because everything I’m terrible at falls under the category of “simple basic life skills.”
Also, the first time I saw Finding Nemo, my immediate reaction to Dory was “OH MY GOD, it’s me in fish form!” but don’t forget that Dory saves the day, too
from what I’ve been reading since I’ve been wondering this about myself (probably you already know this, but I think it bears repeating), the same brain patterns/mechanisms/insert appropriate science word here that make people with ADD have problems with focusing, short term memory, and remembering things also allow them to make connections a lot of non-ADD people wouldn’t and see the world in a different way. I know one of the things my friends like about me is my ability to hit a zillion topics over the course of a conversation – and I know one of the things I’ve appreciated about your writing is your ability to bring things together I wouldn’t have thought to connect in a way that illuminates both of them. I don’t know if thinking about that helps with your liberation or not, but it’s been helping a bit, I think, with mine.
December 16th, 2008 at 10:24 pm #
Thanks for this– your honesty your writing & about your experiences is so powerful.
“So what in the hell is going on with this disappointment thing?”
My challenges are definitely different than yours– I’m on the other side of the spectrum, organizationally, sometimes bordering on obsessive compulsive– but I relate to so much in this post. & that massive fear of disappointment! The last few months I’ve seen the resurgence of so many things I’d thought I’d let go of–some of my more intense perfectionism, the need for approval, especially from my family– and it all boils down to disappointment. That I will be a disappointment, underneath which I think is the fear that I am only valued (valuable) for what I can accomplish & produce– organizing, academia, etc.
It is so much to deconstruct and unlearn and pick apart, & so important.
December 16th, 2008 at 10:47 pm #
on a day like today when everything in me wants to give up and not even try cos i just generally suck even though my head knows its the ADD its nice to read this. i appreciate hte solidarity as well, it makes me feel less alone.
December 16th, 2008 at 11:27 pm #
conundrum.
guess why a rad woc e-newsletter with 3,000 subscribers just suddenly stopped over the summer? it’s cuz the chick who does it (um, me) sort of stumbled into a lovely intensive depression that went on for like MONTHS and has only recently let up over the past few weeks. yeah.
so, you’ve got shit on your shoulders, and like supercoloredgirl, you got this, right? and then, the disability/poverty/drama or whatever sets in and all those balls you really carefully balanced in the air just tumble right on to the floor.
fuck.
I am slowly, slowly, slowly trying to figure out an organizing methodology that is pliable around woc’s lived experiences of instability. (not instability in the psychological sense, but instability in the existential sense, meaning oppression and stuff makes it difficult to anticipate future conditions of your person and your work.)
December 17th, 2008 at 3:37 am #
There is so much I want to say to you. You know from previous convos that it comes down to “I feel you”. I don’t actively participate in organizing per se, and this is exactly why. I cannot handle all my normal day-to-day necessities much less add more on. Just to go to my day job, no matter what that day job is, leaves me with no energy or mental ability to do much else.
Yes, I am also the one who runs when I screw up, out of sheer embarrassment and feeling like I drag things down. But this is, as you say, in part because of the reaction you are used to getting. There is so much pressure to “represent” and that really loads us down unbearably. There is also an expectation, from myself and from others, for perfection. Even when I am keeping up, getting things together, I get no response or help and so then I tend to give up.
I think part of the solution is working with people who are able to step up as needed. No one wants to feel like they are the one doing all the work, making all the effort because it is exhausting. But I find it difficult to find others that I can count on to do their part or to help me when I am overwhelmed. Everything I see to do, it ends up being “okay, so you do it and we’ll see how it turns out”, and that isn’t very inspiring so it falls to the bottom of my list of things to get done.
December 17th, 2008 at 5:31 am #
Forgot to tell you, my dad (!) mentionned hearing something about how people with ADD are more artistic, so that is a good thing – if we can channel our way of seeing the world into something meaningful (even if only meaningful to ourselves, LOL). Of course I countered that maybe it’s also sometimes the other way around: artistic people are ADD. Because I certainly never noticed ADD tendencies in myself until I started expressing myself more frequently and in different creative ways. Which is not to say that creativity MAKES ADD, LOL. But just that when you are very creative and have a ton of ideas the ADD comes out in full force. In my own case, this means that I have BRILLIANT ideas (LOL, yeah, I know, they probably aren’t even as brilliant as I think) but no ability to bring them to fruition or see them through. For example, I have the awesome novel I’ve been “working on” (i.e. haven’t touched in about 3 yrs, but when I re-read the chapters done I still cry and think it’s awesome) but cannot sit down and get it all out. Why? In part it’s frankly that fabulous as I think it is, I’m bored with it and onto other things!
December 17th, 2008 at 9:00 am #
Like Amapola, “I’m on the other side of the spectrum, organizationally, sometimes bordering on obsessive compulsive– but I relate to so much in this post.”
I feel like if I’m not covering all bases, communicating with everyone and continuously showing I’m in, it will be a reflection of my commitment. Like if I’m not around (almost) all the time, that means I’m not committed, I’m disappointing the group and soon forgotten.
I’m so glad you opened up this conversation, I beat myself up so often that it’s a relief to talk about accepting yourself exactly as you are (limitations and all) and instead focusing on healing.
Deep down I know other people feel like I do, but in the day-to-day I often feel like I’m alone. Thank you for lifting some of what I’ve carried for way too long.
On to healing (without disappointment)!
Love,
Adele
December 17th, 2008 at 9:53 am #
Yes. this is exactly it. Like how Lauren says–ADD is my funny joke, my thing that I laugh at and mock and everybody laughs at and we all agree it’s a funny joke–and yet, I’ve been in that SAME position–the crying because of missing a bus? OMG. I was supposed to pick the kids up from W* one day, and I took the bus and wound up being two hours late because I took the wrong bus line…He just shook his head and laughed and we both laughed about how bfp always does these silly things–but then I went home and cried because FUCK, do I *always* have to mess things up like that? Can I *ever* just be on time and do something right?
I think ADD in particular gets written off SO many times as the “silly” problem–as the flighty or air headed problem–for me–that “artist” thing Aaminah–that got written on me in a negative way since I was a small kid. Well, she’s an “artist” right? and you know how those ‘artists’ are–irresponsible, flighty, moody, self-absorbed, and impractical. This is not a world that appreciates art or making different connections or any of that stuff. most of the time, it’s like how in the Finding Nemo movie, how Merlin keeps trying to get rid of Dory and yells at her and must draw on every last breath of patience in order to deal with her.
Only, I’m not lucky enough to have instantaneous memory loss. So I actually see and remember all the little clues about how frustrating and annoying I’m being.
sigh again.
December 17th, 2008 at 10:04 am #
girl, I want to make me a big ol cartoon with SuperColoredGirl right at the center. SCG, to the rescue!!!!!
haha. seriously tho–I love that you put a finger on what I’ve been trying to feel–the lived experiences of instability. Because that’s really what it’s all about on so many levels. Sometimes, I get into a good swing, and I can send out my thirty emails in one damn day, and make those phone calls and even take a shower and brush my damn teeth!
And then three days later, I collapse into a cacoon, and you best leave me be unless you are looking for a no-head life in the near future.
It makes sense–*everything* in nature is cyclical and unstable–the only thing that is stable is that there is always that circular instability happening. Humans are a part of nature, and thus follow those cyclical unstable patterns–and yet, we expect ourselves to act like machines–always putting out a steady stream of work, and better yet, putting out a steady stream that is always finding a way to put that steady stream out more efficiently.
How do we organize in a like the seasons? Is it possible? is there another “natural pattern” that could be used as an organizing framework?
December 17th, 2008 at 10:05 am #
jmmk and jon–solidarity hug. xoxo
December 17th, 2008 at 10:07 am #
@lisa–it’s such a beautiful mind to read, it’s hard to stop myself!
December 17th, 2008 at 11:22 am #
Oh, yes I do! because I remember very very clearly being blown away by your supa hawt photo and then you rawked out poetry too??? ::faints::
for weeks i laid in bed thinking how i could repay them
This right here is it for me–being a *burden*–I don’t want to be a *burden* and if I *must* be–well how can I *repay* those people who are burdened by me? But isn’t “repaying” in many senses–being that ‘ideal woman’ who knows how to send cards to say thank you and all that other logistical stuff? so if I can’t ever repay anybody for being a burden,t hen I really am *just a burden*.
So what fucking use am I?
you know?
I mean, I know I have a use, I’m not being morbid–just starting to unfold the logic….
December 17th, 2008 at 12:42 pm #
Word.
I don’t think there’s such a thing as a “bad” organizer. There are just people with different strengths. One thing I’ve found is that I’m good at coming up with big ideas, motivating people, and finding the strengths of people I work with, but terrible at being the details person. Now I just try to find my niche and work in it. And I recognize that even though obsessive details people may drive me up the wall sometimes, I need them as much as they need me. I specifically recruit people who balance me out, because I know I’m ineffective without them and they’re ineffective without me (no one gets inspired by your beautifully organized excel spreadsheet budget, but you sure need it).
December 17th, 2008 at 12:59 pm #
(no one gets inspired by your beautifully organized excel spreadsheet budget, but you sure need it)
hahaha. this is the *best* line ever. And actually, i *do* get inspired by that shit, because I don’t get it, I don’t know how it is that *you* got it, but I respect the *shit* out of you for figuring it out–and in less than 20 minutes at that!
December 17th, 2008 at 7:33 pm #
your post influenced this: http://blog.cripchick.com/archives/500
December 18th, 2008 at 4:19 am #
I don’t have ADD, but I am ludicrously disorganised and I also suck at returning calls/emails/letters and have, in the past, been out of contact for weeks because I lost my phone charger. So, thanks for this.
While I am very disorganised, I also have a lot of other strengths that have developed in response. I am great at improvising and thinking on my feet. In university I used to give presentations with about 10 minutes prior preparation (I should add that not only do I not have problems with public speaking, but I rejoice in the captive audience). So, everyone has different strengths, and that has to be valued.
December 18th, 2008 at 6:16 am #
This speaks to me, interestingly, because I have the opposite problem. I’ve just been told (by a professional) that I’m OCD, which makes a lot of sense. Instead of not being able to remember what I’m supposed to do outside of my professional obligations, those extracurricular things consume my life.
Ironically, it creates a lot of the same problems. The crushing guilt at failing to meet an obligation — the feeling that I’m not doing enough for others — the sense that I’m somehow a bad person — I empathize greatly.
Stay strong…
December 18th, 2008 at 6:50 am #
they don’t understand that when they say “Remembering things is not that hard,” it’s like if I said to my friends who weren’t good at math, “Calculus is not that hard.”
I recently had my manager tell me: “It’s not that hard to make it to work on time.” I just wanted to yell at him: “Yes it is! You know I’m not a lazy person, don’t you think if it wasn’t hard, I would do it?” Of course, then I start to think…. what if I am just a lazy person….
we both laughed about how bfp always does these silly things–but then I went home and cried because FUCK, do I *always* have to mess things up like that? Can I *ever* just be on time and do something right?
Oh my God, yes, this, a million times this. It is hard. It is hard. But I think the same personality traits that make you disorganized are the same ones that make you such a brilliant and inspiring writer. I try to tell myself you have to take the bad with the good. Sometimes it helps.
December 21st, 2008 at 5:12 am #
I was going to write a bunch of stuff but it’s pretty much all been said, however this quote stood out to me:
This is the single biggest thing myself and my fellow organizers in the Teamsters Union and BAYAN-USA deal with all the time and the one thing we tackle with ourselves and the one thing we try to teach those coming into our organizatoin. Don’t take on too much and don’t be dissapointed in yourself.
Man…You said it sister!
December 31st, 2008 at 12:34 am #
Yo, does this strike a chord. I have so much respect for organizers, and the most amazing ones are those, like the folks at Incite! you mentioned, who actively tackle this myth that in order to be a good organizer, you need to martyr yourself. In truth, perfectionism helps nobody.
I’m beginning to wonder whether it’s a larger U.S. cultural thing. We focus so much on the external and superficial — “results;” “actions speak louder than words” — with a utilitarian philosophy that rejects whatever it can’t measure. What if, instead, we looked at people’s motivations? It’s a little scarier, since it requires more communication, honesty, and taking people at their word (how do you quantify or verify motivation?), but I think it’s ultimately a more rewarding way to look at action in life. Do you mean to burden or hurt people? No. Are you trying your best? Yes. When we ask questions about intention, rather than achievement, then we get more meaningful, less do-or-die answers. And when we develop wisdom, we can see the difference between good and bad intentions, in ourselves and others, even if the ‘results’ appear to contradict them.
All that to say, I hope you can be as forgiving and loving toward yourself, with your all you flipping and flopping, as you clearly are toward the wonderful people in your life!
January 1st, 2009 at 1:27 pm #
I just saw this post today. I’m sorry I missed the conversation in “real time”. But as another person with ADD, it’s been very helpful to read it all. I really relate to the problems with “basic life skills” and feeling like a disappointment to people who are important to you. I’m not an organizer, but I’m sure that only adds to the pressure. Thanks for putting this out there.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:32 pm #
I have ADD too.
On one hand, there are many things I’m really great at, including creativity and writing. But I also struggle in certain areas, and one of those things is with housekeeping.
I remember once, years and years ago, when I was still living on my own (ie, before living with my partner), my apartment was a perpetual mess, which my parents always criticized me for. I didn’t *want* to live in this mess, but couldn’t figure out how to overcome inertia often enough and consistently enough to actually do something about it. One day, I managed to thoroughly clean out the kitchen sink. Okay, it wasn’t much. It was just the sink. And the rest of the apartment was a mess. But I felt a sense of triumph and accomplishment, not because I thought it was important in and of itself but because it had been so hard to get myself to do this and then … finally … I *DID*.
So the next time my parents come over to pick me up for us to go out to eat, I showed them the sink. I wanted to celebrate this sink and what it symbolized to me. But instead, my parents criticized me for not getting the rest of the apartment clean. They couldn’t understand why it was so important to me to celebrate this one thing that I had FINALLY managed to do.